Tangodurians

Ah 2020. You have been upended in the most ridiculous way possible by a virus that has destroyed every single activity we do for fun, leisure, pleasure, necessity, survival. Because, humans. Was so looking forward to a year of dancing starting with the Taiwan Valentine's Tango Marathon, leading into STM v5, London, Portugal and maybe BA by the end of the year. Guess what! ALL GONE, DESTROYED. It has been a year since I went to a marathon/event. I am probably the saddest I have been when it comes to the dance front. 11 years ago I made it such a part of my identity that it has accompanied me through the years of visiting different cities for work, for holiday, for weddings, for connections, for reunions with exes, for meeting new interests. Shaped my 20's like nothing else has and only grows stronger year after year. 2020 was the reset required. Mentally, emotionally. This relationship with Tango remains my strongest and most developed of my many relationships with many a...

Well well well, here we come again to the end of another Tango year in 2019. Granted, this year was a lot more muted for me, just one Tango Prelims Championship, one Fame Tango Weekend extravaganza, one Tango marathon (shit, just one?!). This years tango centered very much around home, no crazy travels (thanks to change in job), no multi-country tango events (thanks to no budget + no time), a smattering of lessons. But internally, centeredness, duende. Next year, Taipei Tango Weekend, Singapore Tango Marathon + Lisbon for food, travels and Tango. Where is my tango this year? 10 years since that fateful day running to Michigan Union in shorts and t-shirt with flipflops, hair wet from a swim on a balmy end of September day, 3 to 4 weeks into the new semester. Not knowing this would kickstart one of my greatest passions in this life. The one that brings me into the world of friendships, arguments, travels and meetings. All sorts of people, friends, acquaintances, annoyances. The ...

Tango has meant different things to me at different stages of my life. Stage 0 - September 2009 "Tango as a differentiator" Expectation: It started out as a notion of difference - "I do the Tangooo" I'd drawl - red lipstick, long flamenco looking swishy dresses with ruffles and leave everything else to the imagination of my listener. Passion, fire, attitude, dominance. Reality: Tango is subtle, a conversation not manifested beyond the surface. Yes, red lipstick, no, not long dresses unless you want to rip it and trip yourself up. Yes, passion and attitude but quiet confidence prized above all. A meeting of equals, an intellectual conversation at its most developed state. Stage 1 - September - December 2009 "Tango as a dance" Expectation: Quick footwork, steps, technicality, sequences, stomping across the floor Reality: I am walking backwards in flipflops - wtf am I doing. Of course I can walk, ok I can't walk with someone blocking my...

"Strangers in the night Two lonely people, we were strangers in the night Up to the moment when we said our first hello little did we know Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away" The longer you end up in Tango, the more the elusive reason of why you stay in it begins to fade. After encountering the negative side of the dance - not getting dances, bitchy people, negative emotions - you tend to forget that the positives more than outweigh the bad really. But if there was really anything at the core of it, it is this, it is the moment of locking eyes with a stranger and suddenly becoming the most intimate acquaintances. Sensual, playful, being able to communicate without words, being able to give and take, yin and yang, feminine to the masculine energies, a real blend. Having fun with the music, having fun with the moves, throwing and catching, releasing and absorbing energies. This is why you train, this is why you take lessons, this is why you spend s...

Tonight. An avalanche of men. A tanda with a solid dancer. A playful vals with the lilting ochos. A dramatic sweep and trampolining skirt ganchos. A heavy rhythmic Noelia wannabe impersonation for the Milonga. An accented weight change that is not off-putting but very...interesting. Music was divine. All the solid songs strung together. Safe. But a good kind. Weight on point. Mindset on point. You see, Tango. It gives you these moments, these moments of pure fun, of showing off, of enjoying the music and really dancing to it while keeping an eye to what your partner is suggesting. If you stick with Tango you unlock levels as you go. Friends. Lovers. Strangers that turn into the most intimate acquaintance for 12 minutes. Being able to give and receive joy, this is where the true essence is. Forget about hierarchy or rank. Forget about being hesitant or snobbish about dancing with that one who doesn't look that good. Focus on yourself in the dance, even the quietest talker...

To go forward you go back, to go left, you go right. Yes, sounds a lot like mumbo jumbo but its mumbo jumbo that works. Newton's 3rd law never came so much into play like it does with this level of teaching. CC 6 years ago loved new age stuff, seeked alternative tandas and poo-pooed MATC's stringent DJ-ing codes and way of teaching. Little would I know that this dichotomy continues and permeates through most of the world, especially in these surrounding areas, these surrounding countries. Re-discovering that taste buds have changed and much as like nuevo has become incorporated in some of the stuff we do, so has my taste veered back to danceable, dramatic but still traditional (read 1950's) music. Eeps. Tips to take away: - Embrace by sending out the chest, seeking for the other person's heart, everything should be led by the chest. Everything. - The arms then become a comfort blanket, changing and ebbing with the flow, but the heart is always connected. This ...

Made a holiday out of it this year by combining the Marathon with sightseeing. Istanbul has always had a strong Tango scene. Sometimes I wonder whether cities where "huzun" features so strongly in the DNA of a place creates such fantastic musicality. Do you really have to understand the death and decay in order to move and express yourself? Perhaps? It makes sense then that they hold their own dancing with such pride. If B.A. is the birthplace, then no doubt, Istanbul is its protege. It's fascinating watching the examples of what an advanced community looks like. The fact that there are so many schools, so many people dancing that no one quite knows everyone else makes you realise that in this community, there is no need to travel elsewhere to find new dancers. They're all here. Every night of the week. That being said, it was also highly frustrating wanting to dance but not being able to cabaceo. I really need to work on the eye contact thing and get over how ...

What is your ultimate goal? Do you dance because you want to become a professional? To make a living out of it? To perform on stage? Do you dance in order to connect? To socialise? Because a loved one started with you and its a part of you that you can never quite let go of, because it means that the final bridge is forever gone? Is it because a younger you once felt something inside you move so much that your perspective was forever shifted to a B.T. and A.T? Is it because it is a language that is global, allowing you to plug into any community and be instantly connected, without language, without culture, without boundaries? Perhaps you as a woman just want to be held, to connect with someone of the opposite gender, to feel led, guided and comforted in a world where gender norms are collapsing. Or perhaps, you are that masculine figure, tenderly protective of the person who has entrusted their sight to yours, letting the guard of personal space down to nestle in your arms an...

Was having an interesting conversation the other day about being critical. Someone was entirely shocked when she got pulled aside by a lead and got a thorough 'lesson' on following. I'm sorry, until you spent more time following than leading do you have a right to criticise someone for your perception of them not 'pivoting' their hips enough to chase your stupid chest around a molinete. Gosh. Especially when I know that follow, and she's a marvelously fine follow the way she is.... Which got me thinking again of what it means to be in someone's shoes. Especially being a lead and crossing over the roles. I think some criticism may be justified, such as if the follow is being heavy, or if they really are not holding their own weight, but that should really be the crux of it. Don't say that you can do a step better than I can, and if I can't read a complex move, then don't try it. I think this sums it up quite well really. "I welcome co...

It has been a while since I have managed to bring myself back toward elements of beginning stages. Back to the days in tiled Union lobbies with an exasperated ponytailed guy telling me to shut my eyes and just feel. To stop fighting the lead and to surrender. What does it mean to be a good dancer? I sometimes think we are so caught up within this dance that we do not utilise everything else outside of it to inform our progress. Metaphors and imagery resonate so much stronger than describing a step ever will. What does it mean to be a good speaker then? Is it necessary to be Oprah before we deem ourselves worthy of the title? Hardly! Then why is it that we expect to dance like Rojas, like Hurtado, or any other headlining name? Maybe because Tango is so accessible, so fundamental in nature, like walking, that we believe we can partake in it, and expect to at a very high level. Truth is, it really does require training, it requires years of dedication much like ballet, gymnastic, yog...

I have been shifting focus internally all over the place recently. Sometimes I wish this conscious incompetence would just go away for a while, so I can shut up the critic in my head that seems to have gotten louder the more I dance. Are you balanced? Did you embellish to that quaver? Why is your rotation on the left so weak? Knees keep banging into the guy! Ochos not feeling supported! Don't hang off him! Disassociate damnit! Left toes also feeling a lot more pain recently. Hello bunions, you can go away now please. Looking forward to KLTF. Had a quick discussion about egos in Tango as I am getting irked by certain people because of this. The ones who think they are "the shit" and where they can barely acknowledge the people who supported them from the start, thinking that they were the only ones responsible for their current outcome. Bullshit. Which only serves to remind myself never to turn into them (at the risk of course, of going the opposite way an...

Energies. Went for a 'yin' yoga class yesterday which was quite different. Slept really well thought, so something definitely relaxed within my body that allowed this to happen better. It also gelled well with a note that I had made a few days ago about how Tango unite two separate energies, two different movements that blend together to form a whole. Thinking more about what it means to lead and exploring the functions that create this dance from the viewpoint of the leader is such a different beast for me. As a follower I am receiving energy, transmitting it, changing it at the whim of an imperceptible shift of weight, capturing and releasing. As a leader I am generating energy, sending it out clearly, giving and also receiving. Without the receiving, you are doing nothing more than talking without truly listening. We are dancing the same dance, but our language is different, complementary, but different. The principal of the roles create distinct differences in the m...

Have you forgotten... ...the dusty floors of mason hall ...the Ochos in 721 Forest Kitchen ...the barefoot dances and drunken laughs in a basement ...the overwhelming sadness of missing someone ...the 80 year olds in NYC telling you stories ...tie a yellow ribbon ...pseudo mamaks with Malaysian tango girls ...Vitosh Milongas ...Phoenix Centre post Indian ...crabs and Salamanca ...Steve and Jose ...comments on one shoulder dresses ...Tango across the peony garden in the Arb ...frostbites at 3am Love and memories and heartbreak and tears. All wrapped up in one package called. Tango.

There's been a growing sense of discontentment that seems reinforced after 4 days of jostling around the dance floor, not getting too many dances and horrible floor craft. The more experienced people are often never seen anywhere near a large festival and I often think this is for very good reasons. If the intent is to dance then there's no where worse to do it than in a large festival because everyone will swarm to the dance floor, there's often bad gender imbalances and unfortunately the DI culture is quite strong here to the extent that it will suck if you go to a workshop where everyone has a partner already. Granted, there were sparkling moments, such as the devil may care dancing from Noelia y Carlitos, the personification of a hurricane from Sebastian y Maria Ines and the beautiful music from Solo Tango. These remind me again and again of the gems that exist in this dance and the reasons why I continue to want to perfect it. Why do you dance? I'm starting ...

Interesting analogy albeit a bit crude. But that's really it isn't it? Finding the voice of the follower in a very male led dance. http://alextangofuego.blogspot.sg/2007/09/fuck-me-back.html The longer I develop in it, the more I see parallels. Tango reminds me much of the cycle of life, we start out totally dependent on someone, find our own footing and grounding and then revert back to the basics once again. Sitting in a table with family, at twelve o clock sat the senior ladies chattering about old times and anything and everything and at six o clock sat the under 10's, playing rock paper scissors and making a racket. There we were, somewhere in between, literally and figuratively. Flashback to the two leads I had, one a complete mess, footwork all over the place, charting his own territory (in a not very good way) and obviously he could be dancing with a puppet the way he was dancing. I didn't need to be there. The other, strong, powerful, musical, but the ...

Where is your Tango home? Where is the place where you walk in and immediately everyone greets you. You take your seat, air kisses all around, ask the one who's been to Buenos Aires, Dubai, Shanghai or Bali how it's going, what did they see, what did they learn. You hear the strains of your favourite melody and catch the eye of the dancer you always dance this orchestra with. He twitches his head in the direction of the dancefloor and you can barely get your shoes on before running onto the floor before that first song finishes. Home. Your Tango Home. Or the origins in a dusty floored classroom, a packed dance floor. The salsa guy trying tango in front of you and you, trying to figure out where to put this damn left hand of yours. On the bicep? Behind the back? Owch, he just stepped on your toes. The arguments over the latest basic sequence you just learnt-"you have to place me here so that the cross happens automatically, signal like that...or maybe it was the othe...

God, that voice just makes this so mind blowingly good! Mujer, de mi poema mejor; mujer, yo nunca tuve un amor. perdón si eres mi gloria ideal; perdón, serás mi verso inicial. Woman—my greatest poem is yours! Woman—I'd never had your love before! Forgive me, for your being my glory divine; forgive me: you shall be first among my lines

This years tango fest was...curious, in the sense that it was a funny mix of people who were not from the region and decided to show up, as well as quite lacking in regional representation. But above all, it was kinda fun, and yet again I find myself miles away from the seriously nervous dancer I was 3 years back and even quite recently last year. I don't know what it is but I've found my feet I guess? This grounding that I need to not be nervous and to interpret the music and not care about what everyone else around me is thinking. Eons ago wise words were shared with me on the dance floor of Vitosh Guesthouse by J. "Don't bother with them, they're all too concerned with themselves anyway". Some things come back from the past and hit you hard when you realise exactly what was meant. Had a couple of dream tandas, beautiful waltzes where my partner exclaimed "you're flying!" and proceeded to try and lift a very panicked me. If I could respond...

  Anoche de nuevo te vieron mis ojos, anoche de nuevo te tuve a mi lao. Pa'que te habré visto, si después de todo fuimos dos extraños mirando el pasao... Ni vos sos la misma, ni yo soy el mismo, los años, la vida, quién sabe lo qué... De una vez por todas mejor la franqueza: yo y vos no podemos volver al ayer! Last night I really laid my eyes on you again, last night again I had you right here at my side. What did I see you for if we're only, in the end, a pair of strangers looking back on other times? You're not the girl you were, I'm not the same young man: the years, the lives, who knows what anyone can say... Once and for all it's better to put the matter frankly: you and I can never go back to yesterday. Paciencia... la vida es así. Quisimos juntarnos por puro egoísmo y el mismo egoísmo nos muestra distintos, para qué fingir...   Paciencia... la vida es así. Ninguno es culpable, si es que hay una culpa. Por eso la mano que te ...

One of my most favouritesttttttttt song ever, melody, lyrics, emotion, everything! Como son largas las semanas  (How long are the weeks) cuando no estas cerca de mi  (when you are not close to me) No se que fuerzas sobrehumanas  (I don't know what superhuman strengths) me dan valor lejos de ti (give me courage far away from you. ) Muerta la luz de mi esperanza  (The light of my hope having died) Soy como el naufrago en el mar (I am like the shipwrecked in the sea) se que me pierdo en lontananza  (I know I get lost in the far horizon) mas no me puedo resignar  (but I cannot resign myself)   Ah!... que triste es recordar,  despues de tanto amar (Oh! how sad it is to remember after having loved so much) esa dicha que paso,  flor de una ilusion, (that happiness that went by, flower of an illusion) nuestra pasion se marchito ( our passion has withered) Ah!... olvida mi desden  (Oh! forget my ...