Tangodurians

Ah 2020. You have been upended in the most ridiculous way possible by a virus that has destroyed every single activity we do for fun, leisure, pleasure, necessity, survival. Because, humans. Was so looking forward to a year of dancing starting with the Taiwan Valentine's Tango Marathon, leading into STM v5, London, Portugal and maybe BA by the end of the year. Guess what! ALL GONE, DESTROYED. It has been a year since I went to a marathon/event. I am probably the saddest I have been when it comes to the dance front. 11 years ago I made it such a part of my identity that it has accompanied me through the years of visiting different cities for work, for holiday, for weddings, for connections, for reunions with exes, for meeting new interests. Shaped my 20's like nothing else has and only grows stronger year after year. 2020 was the reset required. Mentally, emotionally. This relationship with Tango remains my strongest and most developed of my many relationships with many a...

Goals for this Tango year: - Continue to improve leading - Get deeper into the movements and music - Starting again with foundations (feet placement, weight, balance, transfers) Always and forever a noob. Training for the first ASEAN Tango Championships, more about process than outcome really but have always been a competitive spirit so part of me really wants to make an impact. We definitely are not at the stage of winning but if improvement continues then it'll at least make a dent in the social dancing. Training. Why is it that Tango doesn't inspire the same practice spirit that a lot of other activities require (tennis, swimming, basketball, piano..heck anything I've ever picked up, or been dragged into, in my life so far)? Maybe it's the fact and core of what makes it so appealing, that we rest on our laurels because we depend so much on what the partner is giving (50-50) hence...we think that if we give 50 and the other person gives 25 then we might a...

Made a holiday out of it this year by combining the Marathon with sightseeing. Istanbul has always had a strong Tango scene. Sometimes I wonder whether cities where "huzun" features so strongly in the DNA of a place creates such fantastic musicality. Do you really have to understand the death and decay in order to move and express yourself? Perhaps? It makes sense then that they hold their own dancing with such pride. If B.A. is the birthplace, then no doubt, Istanbul is its protege. It's fascinating watching the examples of what an advanced community looks like. The fact that there are so many schools, so many people dancing that no one quite knows everyone else makes you realise that in this community, there is no need to travel elsewhere to find new dancers. They're all here. Every night of the week. That being said, it was also highly frustrating wanting to dance but not being able to cabaceo. I really need to work on the eye contact thing and get over how ...

The more I learn things about this dance the more I do find myself getting frustrated. Yes I can move better, yes I can hold my own weight, yes I can do about 99% of moves but can I do it in a way that is beautiful, inspiring, musical, effortless? Likely not. The body is the tool, we receive the energy and direction through the chest, telling us: - Speed - Time - Direction - Force which translates from top to toe. Energy received up top, sends down all the way to the toes and that is why you never look at the feet, because it will tell you nothing. Everything is a movement generated from the chest. Everything. And yet again you hear, disassociate, disassociate, disassociate. Truly, this is the core of it, because if you can't do that, then everything will be reactionary and lag, rather than being complementary and together. Privates with Ariadna & Fernando, truly one of the first great couples that I encountered by hearsay in 2010 and then again with lessons in 2011....

Was having an interesting conversation the other day about being critical. Someone was entirely shocked when she got pulled aside by a lead and got a thorough 'lesson' on following. I'm sorry, until you spent more time following than leading do you have a right to criticise someone for your perception of them not 'pivoting' their hips enough to chase your stupid chest around a molinete. Gosh. Especially when I know that follow, and she's a marvelously fine follow the way she is.... Which got me thinking again of what it means to be in someone's shoes. Especially being a lead and crossing over the roles. I think some criticism may be justified, such as if the follow is being heavy, or if they really are not holding their own weight, but that should really be the crux of it. Don't say that you can do a step better than I can, and if I can't read a complex move, then don't try it. I think this sums it up quite well really. "I welcome co...

I have been shifting focus internally all over the place recently. Sometimes I wish this conscious incompetence would just go away for a while, so I can shut up the critic in my head that seems to have gotten louder the more I dance. Are you balanced? Did you embellish to that quaver? Why is your rotation on the left so weak? Knees keep banging into the guy! Ochos not feeling supported! Don't hang off him! Disassociate damnit! Left toes also feeling a lot more pain recently. Hello bunions, you can go away now please. Looking forward to KLTF. Had a quick discussion about egos in Tango as I am getting irked by certain people because of this. The ones who think they are "the shit" and where they can barely acknowledge the people who supported them from the start, thinking that they were the only ones responsible for their current outcome. Bullshit. Which only serves to remind myself never to turn into them (at the risk of course, of going the opposite way an...

Yup this! http://gancho.info/why-we-sometimes-fly-and-sometimes-crawl/ Syncopation is AMAZEBALLS.

There's been a growing sense of discontentment that seems reinforced after 4 days of jostling around the dance floor, not getting too many dances and horrible floor craft. The more experienced people are often never seen anywhere near a large festival and I often think this is for very good reasons. If the intent is to dance then there's no where worse to do it than in a large festival because everyone will swarm to the dance floor, there's often bad gender imbalances and unfortunately the DI culture is quite strong here to the extent that it will suck if you go to a workshop where everyone has a partner already. Granted, there were sparkling moments, such as the devil may care dancing from Noelia y Carlitos, the personification of a hurricane from Sebastian y Maria Ines and the beautiful music from Solo Tango. These remind me again and again of the gems that exist in this dance and the reasons why I continue to want to perfect it. Why do you dance? I'm starting ...

A familiar cock of the head, an eyebrow twitch and the same calm register of voices tinged with the little awkwardness that once conjured up so many emotions for me, and still does at its memories. It hurts sometimes, it really does. But I guess that's life right? You live and you let live. Tango oh tango. Getting irritated that I'm not progressing anymore, but guess that's the challenge of this (goddamn) dance. Doppelgangers. Urgh. Bad for me, yeah probably. But tonight, I shut my eyes and snuggled in, and I did not give a damn. Conversations with lovely old gentlemen who can turn on the charm at a switch of a button, I think it just really does come with age! Never found one I didn't like :).

Where is your Tango home? Where is the place where you walk in and immediately everyone greets you. You take your seat, air kisses all around, ask the one who's been to Buenos Aires, Dubai, Shanghai or Bali how it's going, what did they see, what did they learn. You hear the strains of your favourite melody and catch the eye of the dancer you always dance this orchestra with. He twitches his head in the direction of the dancefloor and you can barely get your shoes on before running onto the floor before that first song finishes. Home. Your Tango Home. Or the origins in a dusty floored classroom, a packed dance floor. The salsa guy trying tango in front of you and you, trying to figure out where to put this damn left hand of yours. On the bicep? Behind the back? Owch, he just stepped on your toes. The arguments over the latest basic sequence you just learnt-"you have to place me here so that the cross happens automatically, signal like that...or maybe it was the othe...

Tangoblitz wrapping up this weekend with Alejandra Hobart and Adrian Veredice, good sessions, always refreshing to see the level that professionals get up to. Notes, notes, notes! Parallel vs Cross Systems The L shaped lead-linear - Leader leads on dual track system (to the left and to the right of him) -Follower crosses across this track using a back step, side step and a cross over front ocho-forming L shapes zig-zagging back and forth -Leader strides forward on the beat while follower is on a 1+, 2 beat-option to twist the hip into a front boleo for the follower, leader must change weight with every 1-2 step -Leader starts on right foot and follower on left foot   which is the foot further away-Mirror start=parallel system-sacada happens to the cross over track (guy left, girl right) -Variation is to have leader start on left foot and follower on left foot-non-mirror=cross system-sacada happens on the parallel track (guy right, girl right) The L shaped lead-circu...

I can't dance properly after a full day of work and running around carrying 10 yoga mats, rushing home, shoveling food down my throat and then rushing for performances. Sigh. Someone oddly said, after the 3rd song of the tanda, "Oh, I get your style now". Wtf. He could not have been any more insulting. It's at times like this where my benefit of the doubt moments end up being, just doubt. You just really don't know how to lead. That's all. Sheesh.

Wednesday session with a flood of women, something around the ratio of 1:3 minimum so the female leads decided to take matters into their own hands. Beautifully fun though, I often feel that women have innately a greater sense of musicality because they are not worried about doing multiple fancy moves (mainly because they haven't been taught it). There's also something very nice about a woman's embrace-and a lot of boob wars going on- which lets you feel for an instant what you might actually feel like to a guy. Still trying to sort out my own lead though, I feel somewhat limited in the movements and there are so many I would like to do, but I don't have the tools or the language to do it. It's also potentially because I'm treating leading as a 'self-learning' thing, thinking that since I already know it's counter move that I can deduce the lead. Unfortunately this doesn't occur a lot of times. There's also this abject panic of knowing tha...

Due to the fact that I stupidly booked myself to go to Bangkok on the same weekend as the Tangoexposed, I managed to miss just about all the classes there were that weekend. Would have loved to have taken the ladies technique with Milena Plebs, and I heard that Tani Herrara's folk dance workshop was good too, but oh well, no use crying over spilt milk! If anything that is seriously ANNOYING about dancing in S.E.Asia is this persistant idea of D.I's. WTF. Cannot stand it, this is the only country where I get less dances per night on average, not cool. It remains a serious issue though when girls outnumber guys along the ratio of 5:1. I'm lucky because most of my basics came from Michigan and I know what it's like to dance with a variety of guys, but for those girls starting out here, there just isn't an incentive to be sitting on your butt the whole time for 2 measly dances. Time to start leading! So much more fun. Anyhow, took a class with Delia Hou and Sebasti...

Converted my 2 workshop sessions into a private with Catarina and Gustavo. Also destroyed more of the Central Market Annexe flooring in the process. Oops. Privates are amazing-total focus on you, spotlight on you, also spotlight on just about every flaw you have much like pimples on bad skin. eeps. The first thing that I had to adjust was the embrace. Now, thinking back to the various ways that I've been taught about embraces, I will recall two people instrumental to the beginnings of 'what to do with your left hand'-Jacob and Dennis. MTango open embrace taught us to place the hand on the person's bicep. When faced with Jacob-I remember him telling me to put it in a position that was most comfortable for me, Dennis said that my open embrace as it was, was good too. Being a beginner then, the challenging thing was and still is to some degree, to figure out  how to adapt an embrace to the person depending on height and stature. Then came the Polish guy whom I had ...

...until I can no longer walk. For you, for me, for us. For the chance of one day being able to move around the floor with you again. One day.

Teacher's in a tango community are always going to be your guru. Not surprising that the world 'guru' is used in Malay and other iterations of religion and activities to mean someone of great knowledge and wisdom. You're always going to imprint on the first person who told you to close your eyes, lay your hands on their chest and walk backward, or the one that first shows you an ocho. Ah, to go back into a beginner class. One thing that I've realized I've missed is the excitement of opening someone's eyes to tango, which Mtango practica provided exactly the conducive environment to do. As I've continued on and (hopefully) gotten a better understanding of what is out there, I've forgotten to seek out the beginner-treating them more as a nuisance and a barrier to my advancement to the dance- than anything else. But what I've forgotten is what they teach me in return, challenging the very core and basic knowledge that I have on how to walk, how to...

I was sticky and hot at practica and far from being in the calm zen state of mind in a nice cold room which is what Tango calls for. In fact, I was so far from being calm that I ended up flouncing out of the room due to some immature spat on my part a mere half hour after dancing with the instructor. I guess my state of mind was so forced I could barely enjoy my last practica. My eye was wandering so much that I couldn't be 100% civil to the poor beginner in front of me or attempt to help him with his ocho lead. But he'll learn. If he stays. I had a convo with someone about really feeling a dance because I kept doing what I "thought" I was feeling. Then I realized it really was a cycle, that I'm at this stage where I miss the naivety of learning steps for the first time and really connecting with the concept of a feeling and being open to new moves whereas now with a bit  more moves to my repertoire I start to confuse feelings with forced movements, just becau...

You forget sometimes that Tango is so much a part of a person that any little jibe can be taken as an insult. Perhaps this is a general life lesson anyway, in that you never really want to hurt someone by insulting something they hold dear to their heart.

Okay, honestly, leaders should not need to tell me to cross my legs. They should LEAD me into it. I mean, honestly. Of course i technically know how to do an ocho cortado. Of course, i technically know how to do a sacada. Of course i technically know how to do a molinete. But seriously man, if you give me crappy leads to work on, how the hell am i supposed to know that you're leading me into a different step than what i'm performing? Yes we've learned it in class together, but the fact still remains, if your body is telling me to do something else, then dude, that's what i'm going to do. If you're trying to lead me into an ocho cortado and can't get my legs to cross, then maybe, just MAYBE, you're doing it wrong. Ever thought of that? I swear, sometimes men take things too technically that they forget to observe how the body reacts to these tiny changes that they make. I have this one dude basically opening up his embrace, tossing me to his side, neg...