Tangodurians

So sad they've split up! Would have learnt a wealth of information from them about music, musicality, steps and really listening to the structure of Tango on another level. Time to find Erdemsel somewhere in this world then! This brought me back to a concept that I think is really relevant for Tango though, in order to understand Tango beyond dance steps, it's the realisation that the evolution of this dance is so much a combination of lifestyle, of music and of tradition. For me, the Universe of Truths in Tango consists of : - Embrace - Music - Movement What is real Tango? Is it the lost years of the 30's? Where we only play 'Golden Age' stuff and conform to a notion of 'tradition'.Where we look at old recordings and find confusion in the boxy, non-disassociated steps of the past maestros. Where up to now I look at the elderly women who have more meat, who have seen more, and wonder why the maestros call them '80 kg of Tango'. How does...

A familiar cock of the head, an eyebrow twitch and the same calm register of voices tinged with the little awkwardness that once conjured up so many emotions for me, and still does at its memories. It hurts sometimes, it really does. But I guess that's life right? You live and you let live. Tango oh tango. Getting irritated that I'm not progressing anymore, but guess that's the challenge of this (goddamn) dance. Doppelgangers. Urgh. Bad for me, yeah probably. But tonight, I shut my eyes and snuggled in, and I did not give a damn. Conversations with lovely old gentlemen who can turn on the charm at a switch of a button, I think it just really does come with age! Never found one I didn't like :).

It's been a good year for dancing if not for every other aspect of my life. 2 travels to Shanghai and Singapore, 1 homegrown festival and on a smaller scale Tangoblitz and other lessons with visiting teachers. New tango venues in town and the community continues to attract people on mid-length stints in Malaysia, providing a base for these expats. Started DJ-ing a couple of times. 3 more pairs of shoes. Oops. Above all shifting my POA yet again. This time into more stable dancing and translating this into being more grounded and collecting better. I think I've figured my lag between learning something and putting it into action is about 8 months... Been a good year, will spend next year continually honing the skills even more and being exposed to even more variety of dancing globally.

First Asian trip for a festival! I guess May Madness in Ann Arbor counts as an international trip, but that was done in conjunction with a lot more goals in mind than just Tango. Super excited anyway! Shanghai last year looked amazing what with the venue and Sexteto Milonguero live! I am upset that this year doesn't seem to have such stunning venues and live music, however what makes it better is that Martin y Maurizio will be there and so will Ariadna y Fernando! Crazy that its been two years since lessons with them. Strong contingent of 10 going. Not confident about this gender balance though, but I'm sure it'll work itself out.

Monday lands on me with a bang after an awesome dancing weekend. NEED MORE. The Boys were fantastic. Before I start giving my thoughts on this years festival, this is something I need to keep here because it explains it all. http://tangoaddiction.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/sensuality/ "And this is what I am looking for in the dance. Not to control, to force, to shape. But to somehow access something much bigger than I am as an individual. To harness, to hitch a ride on, to flow with, the natural patterns imposed by the structures of the homo sapiens body, by the gravitational constraints of our marbled blue-and-emerald planet, by the physical laws of our universe. To take a profound pleasure in my own physical being and to try to connect with that of others. Tango need not be sexual. But it can be sensual in the extreme."

I tried on, again, my very first pair of proper dance shoes that I had bought early 2010 when Tango started becoming an activity that was very much a part of my life. Back then those shoes were so new, so fitted, and felt to me kinda high. I remember dancing 5 hours straight in them, 1.5 hours of lessons and another 1.5 hours of practica and sometimes Tios after which resulted in stabbing pains at the balls of my feet which I'd try to alleviate by soaking in hot water and propping my feet up. Now as I try on the discarded pair, I realize something. That rewearing them has pointed out how much more centered I am in my balance and how much more dependent I have become on swivelly 3 inch heels, and also just how big my bunions are. The CIF's are unsalvageable as my foot seems to have outgrown it, but this pair. Yes this pair that had gotten compliments from CIF owners is still wearable and danceable in. Albeit a lot lower this time which might actually make it easier for me to d...

What is my style? Or better yet, if I could combine the styles of all the dancers I love watching much like they construct the features of all the gorgeous celebrities (i.e. Halle berry's body, Jlo's butt, Angelina Jolie's lips etc.) which often come out uglier...hmm, maybe the saying that suits this is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts...or you can't just construct people without their quirks and flaws without it looking...unnerving. Anyway, give me...Rojas adornments, Silvina's confidence, Ariadna's boleos. ooh, what a combo.. What IS my style? I have to stop striking the floor like I'm tap dancing, I have to stop anticipating, I have to let my leg go freer-and yet also be ready to not sprain my ankle at the next step, I need to stop fighting, I need to find a good weight balance for my right hand, I need to not hang on the left (omg stupid-ever since the May Madness been so self conscious about weighing it down..goddamnit). ARGH

Tango is so addictive but even then there's a limit to how much you can do it. Taking this close to month long break has been good, reconnected with the dance, better balanced. I think it has to do with my mental thoughts too, the fact that I'm a bit more settled emotionally and less "worried" as such about life. We'll see how it pans out once I throw myself into it again. Waiting for the AA Tango group to get together again in KL. We'll see how this fits into our new "life" schedule shall we?

Tango has social hierarchy. Yup, that's right, as much as we like to think the Milonga floor is a level playing field, Tango has all the constructions of mimicking the real world. As beginners, we are so unaware of what is in store, thinking molinete's are impossible (they are with beginner leaders), wondering how we will ever make ochos look good, wondering how people can react with near perfect timing (that is called connection). First Milonga, November 2009, Bubble Tea involved, a reluctant CC, 10:30 leaving the apt for Vitosh. Darkness, surrender, nervousness, knots in stomachs. Random people asking us to dance, apologetic us, having no idea what is going on. Love, right there. Completely and utterly gave in to the dance willingly. Never looked back since. Last Vitosh Milonga, May 22nd 2010, familiar faces, familiar chatter. Names thrown around, Felipe Martinez performing. Excitement. Letting go. Eyes shut, close embrace, confidence. Can't believe this is the last o...

After the countless videos, watching the performances by passing Tango teachers, performances by stage Tango dancers, sitting and absorbing Milongas, the one couple that sticks in my mind has to be T and his fiance who met through Tango in Argentina. Their seamless blending, the fact that she didn't even need to be wearing shoes and their swapping of roles. Even though I was exposed to this early on the clueless beginnings of Tango, you could already appreciate the intimacy between the two. In hindsight after a bit more experience, it becomes even clearer that, that would be the ultimate Tango experience. It's like staring at something without the tools to understand it, then later when you come back with the tools in hand, it hits you, "ah hah!" that's what it is! It's like being told, "this will be useful in life later, trust me", and staring at math sets that have no correlation with your life, until later when you're facing a job assessme...

Milonga tonight at Avare apartments near KLCC. Slightly apprehensive, nervous, not sure what to expect, don't know whether I can dance anymore (probably can't reconnect for a bit). Why does this dance have to be so emotional! Seems like yesterday two naive girls walked into their first milonga and fell in love. Is this going to be it again then?

Bye Ann Arbor. Bye Mtango. Bye MATC. Bye Tios. 10 months since my first encounter with Tango. Some people still don't understand my obsession with it, some kind of do, some are hooked. How do I describe the first Milonga. The first time we sat there, nervous, hoping no one would ask us to dance because, heck all we knew was to walk. The people waltzing past us, confident, swirling movements, faces contorted with emotion. I fell in love right there in that darkened gothic-ish bavarian setting that will forever be my first memory of Tango. Oh life. It's only months but looking back it seems like years.

I was sticky and hot at practica and far from being in the calm zen state of mind in a nice cold room which is what Tango calls for. In fact, I was so far from being calm that I ended up flouncing out of the room due to some immature spat on my part a mere half hour after dancing with the instructor. I guess my state of mind was so forced I could barely enjoy my last practica. My eye was wandering so much that I couldn't be 100% civil to the poor beginner in front of me or attempt to help him with his ocho lead. But he'll learn. If he stays. I had a convo with someone about really feeling a dance because I kept doing what I "thought" I was feeling. Then I realized it really was a cycle, that I'm at this stage where I miss the naivety of learning steps for the first time and really connecting with the concept of a feeling and being open to new moves whereas now with a bit  more moves to my repertoire I start to confuse feelings with forced movements, just becau...

I have been considering what Tango is going to be like back home in KL. Funny isn't it, when I should be seriously worrying about what I'm DOING with my life, I end up instead worrying about a dance. God help me. But yes, am I being hypercynical when I think "good god, what the hell are Malaysian guys going to dance like!?" I don't know. Does it take a white guy who is from Argentina to be able to "truly" dance the Tango or even then, is Ann Arbor tango not even close to what Tango should actually be like? How do you convey a dance that has no set patterns or moves, where different people tell you to do different things, where movements have absolutely no structure?! It's not like ballet, where there are moves that are perfected and people aspire to recreate these moves to the highest degree of technicality and grace. Tango is about raw emotion translated onto the dance floor, and it is a dance that takes place between two people. I think that...