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Critical

Was having an interesting conversation the other day about being critical. Someone was entirely shocked when she got pulled aside by a lead and got a thorough 'lesson' on following. I'm sorry, until you spent more time following than leading do you have a right to criticise someone for your perception of them not 'pivoting' their hips enough to chase your stupid chest around a molinete. Gosh. Especially when I know that follow, and she's a marvelously fine follow the way she is....

Which got me thinking again of what it means to be in someone's shoes. Especially being a lead and crossing over the roles. I think some criticism may be justified, such as if the follow is being heavy, or if they really are not holding their own weight, but that should really be the crux of it. Don't say that you can do a step better than I can, and if I can't read a complex move, then don't try it.

I think this sums it up quite well really.

"I welcome comedy in any form, wherever I can find it. But, of course, something more important is — literally — afoot here. Almost every serious dancer reaches a stage at which they want to find out what the dance feels like from the other side of the embrace. And even if you don’t plan to dance both roles at a very high level it is a useful exercise. The men are visibly more relaxed. Freed from any perceived obligation to impress the woman in their arms — and from the fear of manhandling her delicate body — they are able to try out moves which are still in rough draft, can even employ a little force (force which they will, of course, try to smooth away later) without squeals of protest.
For female same-sex couples, the opposite is true. When I am following from a woman I am hyper aware of the need to be soft, to be gentle. Since many women new to leading are, if anything, excessively timid, I am forced to sharpen my awareness of the lead, to pick up on subtler signals. I am very conscious of the relative fragility of my partner’s body — I often follow from women smaller and lighter than I am — and take extra care to keep my own axis, not to burden her with my body weight: all of which is excellent training."
https://tangoaddiction.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/same-sex-tango-for-straight-people/

Actually this lends itself very nicely to the differences between men and women. Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In talks a lot about how men are peacocks, prancing around and promoting their own worth. Female's on the other hand are more reticent, preferring to be quiet and letting their actions speak louder than their words, which doesn't always work. The one who demands the promotion often gets it. In the same way, the guy who thinks he is right in the dance will push his own views on others (in the case a female who was too nice to shut him up, or argue) and ended up feeling worse about her own dancing.

Ridiculous.

Seize the dance back!

Another article that has been floating around recently and which I feel is very apt at this point of dancing was this one: http://tangoforge.com/neo-victorian-tango/

Of which this section struck such a chord:

"The New Victorian girls want to experience sensuality and the male aura without gaining their own wisdom about and shared responsibility for the act. The New Victorian boys want sexuality without relationship, and maximum unassailable mastery without much effort, or even a practice partner."

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