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Disconnection

I had my 4th milonga last night. And as usual, i spent 3/4 of the time i was there sitting on my chair trying to look like i am able and ready to dance. Eager beginners get dances? LOL. Next time i'm pulling a C-J tactic. Talk to a guy about something related to tango and after a few minutes, he MIGHT feel semi obligated to ask you to dance. Well, it's worth a shot!

My point is, last night, i had maybe 5 dances in a span of 4 hours. That's only about 1 hour of dancing. Not good. Being out of the scene for about 2 weeks, I had difficulties following a few leaders, for obvious reasons. I'm usually not THAT horrible. arrrrrr. I did have a few good dances with Cikgu and MD and maybe Phillo, but T and i could not connect! At all. I felt nothing. Which is probably the worse feeling you can go through while dancing with someone. It's like you become two separate entities instead of one.

I felt sooooo bad because i could tell that he was trying really hard to establish that connection between us and i just could not read him. I had a good leader, but the chemistry just wasn't there. I don't think i've ever felt that before. Ever. As much of a beginner that I am, there has never been a dance where i felt completely disconnected from my partner. Most times, it's just a matter or me not knowing what to do when he leads me into a step i have absolutely no clue about. Or that he's too agressive that i feel coerced into doing things. Or that he's too light that i have to work extra hard to read his signals.

I don't know how to actually just let go of what had happened with that dance. It's perplexing for me. Is it some sort of failure on my part? or would i just not be able to connect to every single future dance partner that i might have? Is it a matter of chemistry or technique or both?
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